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Nutters who phone us

Words by
July 20, 2006
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If ringing a call centre fills you with dread, imagine how you’d feel answering calls from the “Great” British public. Let me tell you that some of the people you pass in the street harbour a dark secret – they are stark staring bonkers. And they need car insurance too!

So I asked some of the lovely girls in our service department the following question – What is the strangest or funniest thing a customer has said to you?

Here are some of the kookiest.


‘”A bloke said to me yesterday, “I’m trapped in a hole, can you ring me back at 11?”‘


‘I had a client say, “Eat more carrots, you bunch of rabbits.”‘


‘Last year I rang a client up during Charles and Camilla’s wedding to query something on their paperwork. They shouted at me and said, “How dare you ring while we’re trying to watch the wedding of the year!” and told me to call them back after it and then hung up.’


‘A client rang in to change some details. During the call he casually mentioned that he was naked. I asked if there was anything else I could do for him. Let’s just say he suggested I relieve him in a sexual manner as he was naked and horny…’

Jenny also told me that a few minutes later she heard a scream from across the room – the client had phoned back to try his luck again.

But the runaway weirdo magnet of the service floor seems to be Ellie:

‘I had a guy on the phone who started screaming for his life as if he had just been attacked. The cause of this was (in his words) “a mutant mother bee.” The guy went squeeling like a girl round his house with me still on the phone.’

‘A chap called up to add his wife and son onto the policy. I enquired as to how old the son is as under 26 would have been unacceptable for his particular policy. The client advised me “My son is 6 weeks old.” Needless to say I moved swiftly on to the wife’s details.’

‘I had a chap call and tell me that every time he stands in his kitchen and looks outside at his fountain he wets himself.’

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