Funny Car Insurance Claim Gaffes

Submitting a claim for car insurance is a stressful business, but it certainly pays to double check what you have written on your claim form, as the genuinely funny car insurance claims statements below prove.

Funny Claim Form Statements

• A car drove away at speed catching our client who went up in the air and his head went through the windscreen and then rolled off at the traffic lights a good few feet away. The car then sped off and miraculously our client remained conscious and managed to cross the road.
• A pedestrian hit me and went under my car
• A truck backed through my windshield into my wife’s face
• An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
• As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before.
• Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.
• First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car.
• Going to work at 7am this morning I drove out of my drive straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early.

Bad English

• I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way
• I didn’t think the speed limit applied after midnight
• I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel.
• I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk.
• I am responsible for the accident as I was miles away at the time.
• In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.

Crazy Drivers

• I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way.
• I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
• I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
• I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.
• I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the bonnet of my car.
• I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact.
• I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought.
• I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard.
• I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.
• I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.
• I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before.
• I was driving along when I saw two kangaroos copulating in the middle of the road causing me to ejaculate throught the sun roof.
• I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries.
• I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control.
• I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
• I was on my way to see an unconscious patient who had convulsions and was blocked by a tanker.
• I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
• I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
• My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.
• No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert.
• No witnesses would admit having seen the mishap until after it happened.
• On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke.
• On the M6 I moved from the centre lane to the fast lane but the other car didn’t give way.
• Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: Travelled by bus?
• Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a hazardous nature? A: I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan.
• Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
• The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were – Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo.
• The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.
• The accident happened when the right front door of a car came round the corner without giving a signal.
• The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind.
• The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle.
• The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again
• The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing.
• The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
• The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
• The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him.
• The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him.
• The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end.
• Three men approached me from the minibus. I thought they were coming to apologise. Two of the men grabbed hold of me by my arms and the first slapped me several times across the face. I kneed the man in the groin but didn’t connect properly so I kicked him in the shin.
• To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian.
• We had completed the turn and had just straightened the car when Miss X put her foot down hard and headed for the ladies’ loo.
• When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car.
• While proceeding through ‘Monkey Jungle’, the vehicle was enveloped by small fat brown grinning monkeys. Number three fat brown monkey (with buck teeth) proceeded to swing in an anticlockwise direction on the radio aerial. Repeated requests to desist were ignored. Approximately 2 minutes and 43 seconds later, small fat brown monkey disappeared in ‘Monkey Jungle’ clutching radio aerial.
• Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo.