When the court usher said \u2018I\u2019d just like to make you aware you face disqualification today.\u2019 I could feel the blood drain from my face like gin from an optic.<\/p>\n
This wasn\u2019t the time, or place to blurt \u2018What?\u2019 But I felt like it.
\nI\u2019d been caught, by an unmarked motorcycle, while riding a brand new KTM Super Duke 990 at 80.01mph in a rural 50, that used to be a 60. If it had been clocked at 79.99mph I\u2019d have been dealt with at the roadside, given three points and a \u00a360 fine. As it was, I was in court, as the accused, for the first time in my life. I\u2019d been thrown into a fight for my licence and livelihood and no legal representativ<\/p>\n
e. But, fortunately, I\u2019d prepared, even though I didn\u2019t know the court were going to view my indiscretion so dimly. And I left with six points and a \u00a3380 fine. Not lightly, by any means, but better than expected. This is how\u2026<\/p>\n
1. Brain training
\nAs soon as I was caught I rung up a very reputable rider training organisation, run and staffed by serving and former police officers. I made sure they gave written reports and signed up for the next available course. As I suspected my report was pretty good, not faultless, but good. During the day, in the company of a Class 1 motorcycle instructor on his day off, we rode at over 100mph in a 60, highlighting the complete hypocrisy of the system. Still, I had official paperwork showing that I wasn\u2019t a numptie and it let me honestly say I took my skill levels and rider training seriously. The idea was to show I had half-a-brain.<\/p>\n
2. Field trip
\nI visited the court I was due to appear in. Anyone can. If you get caught miles from home, make time to visit your local magistrates to get a feel for the place so you\u2019re not a rabbit in the headlights come the big day. Once there you\u2019ll see the mouth-breathing scumbags magistrates deal with on a daily basis. This gave me confidence. I assumed if I was a change from these pimple-brained knuckle-draggers I\u2019d stand a chance.<\/p>\n
3. Letter of the law
\nThe employer\u2019s letter. Everyone tries this, but you may as well give it a go. It helps if you rely on your licence to earn a living. It also helps if you use your licence to do benevolent community acts like taking old people to the doctors, kids to football or deliver shopping to the infirm. If you are an habitual speeder, it might be worth doing a few of these things just to get them in the bank to refer to later. And it\u2019s a neighbourly thing to do anyway. It\u2019ll give you a warm glow. No, really.<\/p>\n
4.\u00a0 Mitigation station
\nUnless you\u2019re absolutely 100 per cent sure you\u2019ve been wrongly accused, when it comes to speeding it\u2019s always better to \u2018fess up and take the punishment. Don\u2019t try the old \u2018Are you sure the speed gun was calibrated?\u2019 shtick. Fighting and losing is bad news. So plead guilty, but ask to appear in court to state your case. This is where you present your mitigation. It\u2019s not making excuses, it\u2019s saying, honestly, anything that makes the offence sound not quite so bad. Things like: your vehicle was recently serviced and tested; you\u2019ve never been caught for speeding before; you regularly attend advanced driving courses; the weather and conditions were very good. Anything\u2026<\/p>\n
5. Clothes maketh the man
\nOnly wear a suit if you look good in it. Don\u2019t think any old cheap whistle will make a good impression, it won\u2019t. Especially if you\u2019re uncomfortable in it. I live in the sticks, so I dressed like a local in brown cords, brown brogues, smart shirt, tie and tweed jacket. I had a haircut too. The previous defendant was in a tracksuit top, baggy-arsed jeans and had self-dyed his hair.<\/p>\n
6. Manners cost nothing
\nFacing a magistrate is not the time to think you\u2019re James Dean. So kiss arse, apologise, be contrite, admit (however hard it might be) that you\u2019re very, very sorry.
\nNo begging though. Unless you\u2019re facing the electric chair.<\/p>\n
If you\u2019re still not confident, a specialist lawyer will cost about \u00a3500. Good luck. You need a bit of that too\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Gary Inman lets us in on six techniques to invoke your virtual halo at the gates of Magistrate hell<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":15,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1781,6],"tags":[342],"class_list":["post-11365","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-culture","category-features","tag-motorbikes"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n