Kia’s new advert features a man inexplicably taking photos of a getaway car, for which purpose, the criminals have, even more inexplicably, chosen a Kia.
But is there a more insane getaway strategy for a villain to choose than a new Kia? I decided to find out.
5. Robber with no Rubber
First up we have a chap who chose a getaway car entirely lacking in one important area. Tyres. He is driving his SUV at high speeds on its rims. Predictably, this does not end well for him.
4. Tickets, Please
Most criminals who can’t afford a car simply steal a suitable getaway vehicle. Erick James Robinson of Austin, Texas, is clearly too concerned about his carbon footprint to do this though. After an armed raid, Robinson was caught as he attempted to make good his escape by boarding a bus, still carrying his swag and shotgun. In case you think this is an isolated incident, Norwich ne’er-do-well Darren Sewell attempted to convey his ill-gotten gains home on a number 10 bus. Given that he had stolen a TV, he was quite easy to catch. His own solicitor described Mr Sewell as “clearly a complete amateur” and a “particularly useless burglar”.
3. Where Did We Park, Again?
If you’re out on the rob, it makes sense to have the engine running for a speedy getaway. But there is a reason that, in most successful heists, the getaway driver has to stay with the car. This homeowner foiled his intending robbers by stealing their getaway van as they ransacked his house.
2. Mobile Wanted Poster
If police are looking for you, it is probably not a great idea to drive something as conspicuous as a Ford F-250, particularly if you have a well-known face, like that of BA Baracus / UFC champ Quinton “Rampage” Jackson. So when Mr Jackson went on a crazed Grand Theft Auto style, er, Rampage, through the backstreets of Orange County, the police soon tracked him down. Of course, they may also have had a little help finding him from the fact that a massive, over-life-size picture of Quinton “Rampage” Jackson appeared on both sides, and also the rear, of the truck.
1. You Lose, Snake Eyes
One of the principle criteria for a getaway car, is the ability to hold the stuff you are attempting to steal. Another is anonymity. Therefore our winning idiot is the guy who decided to use a bright orange, stolen Dodge Viper to conduct a house burglary. Unfortunately for Vincent Dijulio, he spent so long fiddling around in the victim’s carport, that he didn’t have time (not to mention space) to steal anything from the house before the police arrived, so he never got the chance to find out if the Viper’s speed would make up for it’s obvious shortcomings as a swag-hauler. But, still, he did get to drive a Viper.
